Herding Cats

Anyone who has held a management position soon realizes that herding cats would be much easier and less stressful than managing people, because cats don’t talk back.

Earlier this week, I called to congratulate one of my buddies who had just been promoted to Asset Manager to oversee the development of a large group of oil & gas properties recently acquired by the company. Since personnel did not come with the properties, he was busy trying to hire people. I tried to cheer him up by reminding him of what my old boss told me when I was put in a similar situation, “You’re gonna have to build this plane while you fly it – oh yeah, there’s no parachute!” That was almost as motivating as the time when I was pitching in Savannah, it was the ninth inning, we had a one run lead, bases loaded, two outs and a full count on the batter, and my manager walked to the mound and said, “Don’t give him anything good to hit, but don’t walk him!”

Are you fucking kidding me, is that what it takes to be a manager, throw your guy in the deep end of the pool, toss him a life preserver tied to an anchor, and see how long he can hold his breath? Management 101 – Fear is a great motivator!

My buddy proceeded to tell me about the difficulties he was experiencing trying to hire people. Instead of wanting to discuss how they could add value to the company, the potential candidates wanted to know if they could “work remote” two days per week. How the hell was he going to build a plane while flying it if the guys he hired to help him build it were playing golf and drinking beer while “working remote?”

Originally it was called “working from home,” but when everyone realized that most people weren’t working from home, they were “working” from the beach, or a golf course, or some all-inclusive vacation destination, the HR gurus renamed it “working remote” so their employees wouldn’t feel compelled to lie about working from home.

This whole “work remote” charade began when businesses and schools were shut down during the Covid pandemic. However, it didn’t take long before the adults with school-aged children began to express concern that remote schooling might cause permanent damage to their kids’ social and academic development and demanded that schools be reopened. These same adults who wanted to get their kids out of the house and back into school (i.e. babysitter) did not seem to be concerned about the negative impact that “working remote” might have on their professional development and productivity. In fact, quite the opposite, now “working remote” is viewed as an HR perc, like health insurance, 401k, childcare, etc.

I retired in 2020, so I haven’t had to deal with the “work remote” charade, and I assumed that the “work remote” insanity had ended, and employees were back in the office working. However, I realized how wrong I could be when Musk and Ramaswamy, the DOGE brothers, announced that our Federal government still has 1.3 million employees “working remote” while tax payers continue to pay rent on empty office buildings in Washington DC. Are you shitting me, do we really need to pay people to “work” from the beach, or a golf course, or an all-inclusive tourist destination? Make them get their ass back to work or they can find something else to do!

If you’re reading this while you’re “working remote,” and you feel your blood pressure rising as you get ready to write me a nasty email schooling me on the benefits of the “work remote – work/life balance” lifestyle, then I ask that you take a few deep breaths and let me bore you with some management theory that may only make sense in “Roger’s World.”

Taylor vs McGregor

In college, one of my favorite courses was the history of management theory. I found it interesting that the hierarchical structure of most corporate organizational charts was modeled after the same hierarchical structure used by the Roman army and the Catholic Church. However, it wasn’t until the early 1900s that Frederick Taylor legitimized “management” as a discipline, when he applied the scientific method to develop “the one best way” (what we would refer to as the most efficient way) to execute a task. As you might expect, Taylor’s approach was given the name of Scientific Management, and his focus on efficiency has remained the focus of our culture even today. In Taylor’s words,

“The same principles [of Scientific Management] can be applied with equal force to all social activities: to the management of our homes; the management of our farms; the management of the fussiness of our tradesmen, large and small; of our churches, or philanthropic institutions, our universities, and our governmental departments.” [1]

Of course, when someone purports to know “the one best way,” they become the expert who must tell the unenlightened worker what to do. In his book, The Principles of Scientific Management, Taylor described his view of the unenlightened workers,

“[A worker] shall be so stupid and so phlegmatic that he more nearly resembles in his mental make-up the ox than any other type… He is so stupid that the word “percentage” has no meaning to him, and he must consequently be trained by a man more intelligent than himself into the habit of working in accordance with the laws of this science before he can be successful.” [1]

Taylor’s view of the worker was eventually challenged in the 1960s, when Douglas McGregor critiqued Taylor’s approach with his concept of Human Resource Management known as “Theory X” and “Theory Y.” Theory X managers, like Taylor, viewed workers as fundamentally lazy and in need of close monitoring to do their work, while Theory Y managers viewed workers as capable of self-motivation and self-control and treated them with respect. I guess that’s what we should expect from the 1960s; peace, love, and Theory Y workers - Hey man, it’s all Groovy!

Roger’s Humble Opinion

I would bet that if we conducted a public poll of managers across the country, the vast majority would claim to support “Theory Y,” but if we sat down with those same managers after a tough day at the office, had a couple of beers, and asked them what they thought of their employees, they would say, “I spend my entire day making sure those lazy son-of-bitches get their work done!” So, who’s right, Taylor or McGregor?

McGregor presents us with a false dichotomy – the fallacy of presenting only two choices when there are more possibilities. Of course, everyone would love to hire “Theory Y” workers that were self-motivated and self-disciplined but, in my experience, everyone is not self-motivated and self-disciplined, and even those who are self-motivated and self-disciplined may backslide without someone monitoring their work and holding them accountable for the productivity. However, I would agree with McGregor that managers should treat their employees with respect, and I think that’s where Taylor made a mistake, at least in his writings, by referring to workers as stupid and lazy.

Good managers manage with eye-contact, they get off their ass and talk to their employees face-to-face. They ask questions. They provide guidance. They discuss problems and potential solutions. They provide constructive criticism and positive reinforcement. They create a culture of teamwork. Most importantly, they tell the truth, no matter how uncomfortable the truth might be!

But none of that can be effectively accomplished using only Zoom calls or video conferences, people need face-to-face communication. I’m not suggesting that Zoom calls or video conferences should never be used, I’m simply stating that in my opinion face-to face communication should be the primary form of communication in a work environment. And I don’t believe that can be effectively accomplished in a “work remote” environment. If managers manage with eye-contact, then they will create their own “Theory Y” workers.

The people you want on your team are hungry for success, they’re not complacent or satisfied with mediocrity. I had a boss that told me, “A good employee has a big mortgage and a wife with expensive taste.” That may not be the politically correct way to describe a “hungry” employee, but that guy will either work his ass off or lose his house and his wife! I’ll label the “hungry” employee a “Theory Z” worker (I just made that up), and those are the only guys & gals that I want on my team!

Postscript

You’re probably thinking I’m “Old School” and you’re glad that you never worked for me. Well, after you read these memos from Edward Mike Davis of Tiger Oil Company written in the late 1970s (see below), you will get a little taste of what “Old School” was really like. Although I never met Mr. Davis, I’ve had several bosses that graduated from the same “Old School.” Hell, my dad graduated from that school!

I feel confident that after reading these memos you will have a greater appreciation of how lucky you are to be working for your current boss, rather than be working for Mr. Davis. I guarantee that if Mr. Davis authorized you to “work remote,” that would mean that you had been fired!

MEMORANDUM

DATE: January 12, 1978
TO: All Monthly Salaried Personnel
FROM: Edward Mike Davis

In case anyone does not know who owns Tiger Oil Company or Tiger Drilling Co., Inc., it is me – Edward Mike Davis. Do not let anyone think they are the owner but me.

This memo is not intended towards all employees, but all must be included, because some have abused these things. The ones who have not abused any of my rules and regulations should not have their feelings hurt or be concerned. Just do your job!

Only business calls will be made and charged to Tiger Oil or Tiger Drilling. No personal calls PERIOD.

There will be no liquor of any kind kept in any of the offices, other than by direct order of Mike Davis. That means get it out of there!

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. I expect things to be clean and in order. That goes for all employees everywhere — that means the office and your appearance; rig hands included.

We do not pay starvation wages, and there are some people left in this world who want to work. I am not fond of hippies, long-hairs, dope fiends or alcoholics. I suggest each and every person in a supervisory category (from driller up to me) eliminate these people.

I don’t want any excuses about not being able to find anyone to work on rigs, drive trucks, or work in the yards — just find the people you need, and if we have to pay more money to get them, it will balance out in the end.

Anyone who lets their hair grow below their ears to where I can’t see their ears means they don’t wash. If they don’t wash, they stink, and if they stink, I don’t want the son-of-a-bitch around me.

Any truck driver or employee who ruins a piece of equipment due to negligence or abuse will be terminated immediately by his boss, and if the boss doesn’t do this, then the boss will be terminated by Mike Davis.

Any employee who does not want to adhere to the items mentioned above can quit. If any of you think I will go out of business because I can’t hire help, get out, and I will hire the people to do the work. I don’t need a job – you people are the ones who need to get with it.

There is one thing that differentiates me from my employees. I am a known son-of-a-bitch, and I care to remain that way. I have the privilege of swearing publicly, in front of anyone, or doing anything I want to because I pay the bills. When you work for me, you don’t have that privilege. You are representing me. Don’t act as I do. I am the only one who can act that way. You people are all to be respectful to your fellow employees and to other people we do business with. That may be deemed any way you want to take it, but those are my orders, and I intend to enforce them. What you do in your home is your own business, but what you do in my business is my business. I am not a preacher, nor am I trying to save the world. I just intend to run my business the way I want to. This pertains to the supervisory personnel.

(Signed)
EDWARD MIKE DAVIS

MEMORANDUM

DATE: January 13, 1978
TO: Landmen, Geologists, Geophysicists, Engineers, or To Whom It May Concern
FROM: Edward Mike Davis

This memorandum is an addendum and in addition to the “Memorandum To All Monthly Salaried Personnel” dated January 12, 1978.

When you are on the road or out doing my business, that is exactly what I expect you to do 100%. I do not want any fabricated expense accounts, drinking or carousing around on my money. Telephone calls for business purposes only will be accepted — not personal.

This will apply to all geologists, geophysicists, and whoever the hell it may concern who works for me.

If you don’t like it, you can do the same thing the ones in the first memo got told — pick up your check! If it doesn’t apply to you, and you have not violated this, you don’t have to worry. If you have violated this, correct it by not doing it anymore. All I want to do is run a good orderly ship — or rather than that, run it like the Army.

If I don’t pay you enough money to do these things you want to do personally, then I suggest you ask for a raise or quit and get another job.

Don’t take advantage of me, because I am going to be looking down your throat. You need the job — I don’t!

Do not speak to me when you see me. If I want to speak to you, I will do so. I want to save my throat. I don’t want to ruin it by saying hello to all of you sons-of-bitches.,

(Signed)
EDWARD MIKE DAVIS

MEMORANDUM

DATE: February 8, 1978
TO: All Employees
SUBJECT: Celebrations of Any Kind

Per Edward Mike Davis’ orders, there will be no more birthday celebrations, birthday cakes, levity, or celebrations of any kind within the office. This is a business office.

If you have to celebrate, do it after office hours on your own time.

(Signed)
MICHAEL D. CARROLL
for EDWARD MIKE DAVIS

MEMORANDUM

DATE: September 25, 1978
TO: All Employees, Tiger Oil Company, Tiger Drilling Co., Inc.
FROM: Edward Mike Davis
SUBJECT: Vacations

As you know, after one full year of employment you receive two weeks’ vacation and two weeks respectively each year worked thereafter. Effective immediately, the two weeks per year must be taken one week at a time and begin the end of the week. There will be no more taking one or two days at a time and combining them with holidays and weekends. If, in my opinion, you deserve additional time off you must obtain it from me proving to me that you have worked hard enough to get it – not trying to edge a day here and a day there combined with the holidays. I am not a fool – I know you can take two weeks and stretch them into two months properly done so don’t insult my intelligence. Ask for it like a man. Also, in your absence, you must arrange to have someone perform your duties.

(Signed)
EDWARD MIKE DAVIS

You can find the rest of the Tiger Oil memos at this website:

https://lettersofnote.com/2010/08/05/the-tiger-oil-memos/

The End

[1] Fredrick Taylor and Douglas McGregor quotes from Team of Teams by General Stanley McChriystal.

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